andyboyleisntfunny asked: If you could hang out in any historical fort-like thing, what one would you hang out in?

fort-ydaysandfort-ynights:

The fort at the Alamo so I could be like “Guys, come on.”

"Hey, maybe they’ll remember us!"

"Ugh, I wish Santa Anna would just shoot Dave already."

fort-ydaysandfort-ynights:

Hey. My name’s Dave. I’m a comedian and I live in Chicago and I got dumped after a three year relationship. After tomorrow, I’ll no longer have a bed or a TV or someone living with me (for the time being). So I’ve decided to build a fort in my front room and live in it for 40 days. I’ll document those 40 days in photos, videos, artwork and all those other things. Y’know, the things. And hopefully you’ll look at them and say “Oh ok, cool.”
I’ll also have guests come by to visit so I can interview them about things like heartbreak, happiness, relationships and life in general. We’ll tell jokes, sing songs, laugh, hug, eat food probably. I want this to be a learning experience, not just a sad dude in a blanket fort.
Pictured above are my expert schematics for said fort, which will be constructed tomorrow (3/29/14), with tomorrow night being my first night sleeping in it. I’m gonna post my first video sometime tomorrow evening.
I’m looking forward to this. I think this’ll be good.
Let’s be happy.
- Dave

Hey so I haven’t posted anything to this tumblr, but this is my good buddy Dave, a righteous dude, a wonderful dude, just a good dude buddy of mine. Follow his project. Be a cool duder yourself.

fort-ydaysandfort-ynights:

Hey. My name’s Dave. I’m a comedian and I live in Chicago and I got dumped after a three year relationship. After tomorrow, I’ll no longer have a bed or a TV or someone living with me (for the time being). So I’ve decided to build a fort in my front room and live in it for 40 days. I’ll document those 40 days in photos, videos, artwork and all those other things. Y’know, the things. And hopefully you’ll look at them and say “Oh ok, cool.”

I’ll also have guests come by to visit so I can interview them about things like heartbreak, happiness, relationships and life in general. We’ll tell jokes, sing songs, laugh, hug, eat food probably. I want this to be a learning experience, not just a sad dude in a blanket fort.

Pictured above are my expert schematics for said fort, which will be constructed tomorrow (3/29/14), with tomorrow night being my first night sleeping in it. I’m gonna post my first video sometime tomorrow evening.

I’m looking forward to this. I think this’ll be good.

Let’s be happy.

- Dave

Hey so I haven’t posted anything to this tumblr, but this is my good buddy Dave, a righteous dude, a wonderful dude, just a good dude buddy of mine. Follow his project. Be a cool duder yourself.

Real proud of this one, everyone.

Real proud of this one, everyone.

Lesser-Known Units of Drug Measurement

A tooth of meth

A neck of steroids

A hug of mushrooms

A headache of alcohol

A rainbow of LSD

A baltimore of heroin

A giggle of marijuana

A dance of ecstasy

birdhauser:

talkhardchicago:

Need some advice? Ask a dude, bro.

From last Friday’s Talk Hard show.

This is my friend, Will Meinen, who went to high school with my sister and then moved to Chicago and now we’re comedy pals and write for the same late night talk show, Talk Hard. We also write for another Chicago-area late night talk show, The Whiskey Journal Live!

This video is funny so watch it now please.

This is from a segment of a show I helped write and produce called The Whiskey Journal Live! It’s every Wednesday in May at Fizz Bar, 3220 N Lincoln Ave., in Chicago.

The host is wearing a dog shock collar and is playing a game called “That’s Not A Clint Eastwood Movie.” Enjoy.

I’m not from Boston, but I was lucky enough to have called it my home for about a year. If you’ve never visited, you need to. It’s hard to not fall in love with the place. Beautiful buildings, beautiful parks and beautiful people. It’s where I made some of the greatest friends of my life. It’s where I had some of my most fun adventures. It’s where I last fell in love. It’s where I decided that what I really want to do with my life is make people laugh. I’m sorry this happened. All I know is, the good of Boston far outweighs the bad that happened today. The good of Boston will always outweigh the bad.

I’m not from Boston, but I was lucky enough to have called it my home for about a year. If you’ve never visited, you need to. It’s hard to not fall in love with the place. Beautiful buildings, beautiful parks and beautiful people. It’s where I made some of the greatest friends of my life. It’s where I had some of my most fun adventures. It’s where I last fell in love. It’s where I decided that what I really want to do with my life is make people laugh. 

I’m sorry this happened. All I know is, the good of Boston far outweighs the bad that happened today. The good of Boston will always outweigh the bad.

Apparently we’ve all forgotten that Justin Bieber is only 19-years-old. Remember guys, 19-year-olds make lots of dumb decisions. For instance, this is the haircut I had when I was 19.
Yeah. Not as dumb as what he did, but still dumb. Cut the kid some slack.

Apparently we’ve all forgotten that Justin Bieber is only 19-years-old. Remember guys, 19-year-olds make lots of dumb decisions. For instance, this is the haircut I had when I was 19.

Yeah. Not as dumb as what he did, but still dumb. Cut the kid some slack.

Monologue jokes, April 15, 2013

Here are some recent jokes I wrote for various things. 

Some are predicting that the Bears could draft Manti Te’o in the upcoming NFL draft. It won’t matter much, though, because the Bears chances of going to the playoffs are as real as Te’o’s last girlfriend.

Montana’s legislature passed a bill this week decriminalizing gay sex in the state. The Catholic church released a statement saying they’re against the law but overall happy it’ll mean less priest prosecutions. 

A man this week in California tried to cut his own arms off at a Home Depot. It worked out well for the store, though, as it showed the high quality of its radial arm saws.

U.S. intelligence says North Korea could be capable of launching a nuclear missile but would be unable to aim it, which was basically Shaq’s problem with free throws.

Jay-Z has released a new song called “Open Letter” answering critics of his recent visit to Cuba instead of issuing a press release. Not to be outdone, Nickelback has said all of their songs were an open letter proclaiming, “We suck.”

A newly-released Mexico Barbie has enraged critics because the doll comes with a Chihuahua and a passport. In response, the makers of Barbie promised to follow America’s lead and institute a tough recall policy and send them all back to Mexico.

America’s Most Wanted could be off television for good after Lifetime canceled the show this week. The show just really hasn’t had much to cover ever since we killed bin Laden.

A gay man was arrested at a hospital in Missouri for refusing to his sick partner’s side because he doesn’t have spousal rights in that state. It’d be a different story, though, if the sick guy married Darlene, his 17-year-old cousin.

Six former congressmen are holding congressional-style hearings on whether or not the Obama administration is keeping Americans in the dark about evidence of extraterrestrials. Sadly they did not invite this guy:

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Andy Boyle is a writer, stand-up comedian and web developer living in Chicago, Illinois.

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